For some, golf is an obsessive passion. For others, “it’s a good walk spoiled,” as Mark Twain so derisively put it. If you don’t have enough (or any) experience to have made up your mind yet, don’t worry, you will. The golf course is still the place to network and entertain clients. Here’s a primer to help you bluff your way through your first few rounds on the links (that’s what they sometimes call golf courses).

Walk the Walk

You gotta look the part. Most courses have “collared shirt” as the minimum dress code requirement. Golf cleats aren’t mandatory, but they’re an easy investment to avoid looking like a hack. Plaid pants: strictly optional.

You can have a maximum of 14 clubs in your bag: woods, the fat-headed clubs used for teeing off; irons for moving the ball down the fairway; a putter; and a wedge or two for sandtraps. There’s no cap on balls and tees, so stock up on both.

To make a good shot, the key is to keep your eye on the ball. If that advice is not enough, you’ll have to take lessons on the sly.

Major faux pas: holding up the foursome behind you. Avoid admiring a well-struck drive or taking more than about 10 strokes per hole. And if you slice out a hunk of grass with your swing — called a divot — replace it.

Talk the Talk

Par is the number of strokes it should take to get the ball in the hole. One stroke under par is a birdie; one over is a bogie. If you’re a truly terrible golfer, your two favourite words will be gimme (your buddies “give” you a close putt) and Mulligan (a do-over).

Whatever the topic of conversation, clam up when someone’s ready to drive a ball. You can always wrap things up with a round (or more) of drinks at the clubhouse’s “19th hole.”

Who’s who?

Tired of Tiger’s tales? Here are other golf names worth dropping:

Mike Weir

Sarnia, Ont.-born lefty who won the 2003 Masters tournament.

Lorie Kane

Her four LPGA tournament wins earned her membership in the Order of Canada.

Donald Carrick

This Osgoode Hall and Harvard Law graduate was a two-time Canadian amateur golf champion, boxed at the 1928 Olympics and served a term as a Liberal MP.